lessons unlearnt

From whom did I learn it
the constant second guessing?
the shrouding and finessing?
the weaving of untruths so I believe them myself?
the hiding under layers that no one can see past?
from whom did I learn to expect loneliness?
from whom did I learn to accept unhappiness?
from whom did I learn to flatter and praise?
from whom did I learn to evade and pretend?
from whom did I learn to curb my temper?
from whom did I learn to adjust?
from whom did I learn to smile and bear it?
from whom did I learn to tolerate?

From whom did I learn to lie
to myself

Tell me
so I can tell them
this is what helped me make me.
How strange it is that I do not know
whether to thank you or blame you